Personally I can't stand it! It would drive me to drink...LOL! I have to console my child in one way or another. Crying it out just doesn't work in this household! Hearing them cry just does something to me that I can't explain... Our daughter slept with us until she was 2 1/2 mainly because I couldn't stand to hear her "cry it out". Then cold turkey one morning she decided she was a big girl and sleeps in her bed ever since. She has never ever come into our room in the middle of the night, so I don't think we have it too bad!
With my first, for the first 5 months I never let her cry. We were at my aunts house with my parents and she was especially fussy. My mom told me to just let her cy because there are times she just needs to! Whether or not this was true, I did it. She cried for 2 stinking hours. I was devastated. I just kept checking on her! Over the next couple of weeks, I kept doing it, only at nap or bedtime though. After that, when it was time for nap or bed, I would just lay her down and she would go right to sleep! We started doing this right away with our son since birth and it as basically the same thing. It made life a lot easier. Especially being such young parents (I was 19 and my husband was 22), we were able to have a little bit of time to ourselves to reconnect.
Listen to your heart, it whispers softly so listen closely.
wait you let your newborn son cry it out at night?
do you mean like through the night?
i had one person tell me to just let them cry at night..
but in my opinion, newborns should be fed at nigth when they're hungry.
or do you just mean for naps or during the day?
i dunno.. i know each kid is different but for me (and my babies are only 2 monts yet) they pretty much only cry when they are hungry.
http://www.sanfordhealth.org/CradleRoll/BabyList.cfm?CradleRollParentId=22614
We let my son cry it out once he was about 5 months. It never really lasted long, and it totally broke my heart to do it, but babies do need to cry and learn how to self soothe. It's an important lesson in independence. We would lay him down in his crib awake and the first two nights he was not happy about it, but we just inched our way out of the room and in no time he was getting himself to sleep and sleeping through the night. It was the hardest thing to hear him cry and I really just wanted to pick him up and rock him to sleep, but in retrospect, it was a great thing to do cause he then became a wonderful sleeper!
Until recently that is! Now he's 2 and hates sleep!
**well behaved women rarely make history**
This topic could not have come at a better time! As a daycare provider, I have often advised parents (when they ask for it!) to let their older babies cry it out at bedtime. Now, as a parent, it breaks my heart to let her cry! She's 9 m.o., and just in the last three weeks or so, has decided not to sleep through the night, something she has done since she was three months old. We started trying to put her to bed awake, instead of rocking to sleep....but it breaks my heart to hear her cry. And it's not just crying, it's screaming. One night we were both (me and her) in tears. Then when she wakes in the night, she cries and won't go back to sleep on her own, so I have broken my own "rule" and taken her to bed with me. The problem with that is, my husband then gets kicked to the couch, because if he slept with us, she would likely be crushed or injured (that's a whole 'nother sleep issue in this house!). So it isn't fair to him, either, but at this point, I need my sleep so I can take care of daycare kids the next day. It's a vicious cycle. So I would say that it hasn't worked for us, not at this point. Maybe when she is a little older, and can understand that we are letting her cry because it's bedtime, it will be easier to let her cry. Or, maybe I'm creating a monster by letting her come to bed with me. I just feel like right now, at 9 m.o., she needs to know that I am there for her, and I feel like if I am letting her scream herself to sleep, it's breaking her heart and mine.
1st time mommy to our "princess"
Have any of you seen that episode on Mad About You, when they tried to do this with Mabel? Hilarious, I think they captured how all parents feel about doing that!
Listen to your heart, it whispers softly so listen closely.
That is so funny (wierd) that you bring that up, because that is the image I have in my head....I can see them sitting outside her room and she (Jamie?Helen Hunt) says "We just broke her heart." That is exactly how I feel! We are letting her cry as I write this right now....and it's killing me. She was sound asleep at 915, and I laid her down and two minutes later, she's awake. I haven't picked her up....yet. Last night, when I finally gave in (after she woke up 3 or 4 times) and took her to bed with me...she slept the rest of the night just fine! Maybe I need to get one of those co-sleeping bassinets....but she is too big for that, right? She's 9 m.o.....she could crawl out of it, I think.
1st time mommy to our "princess"
I practiced the cry it out method with Alison (3 year old) and she goes to bed for me so nice. I have seen parents with kids that scream while they put them in bed, then scream till they fall asleep. I do cry it out for one major reason and that is because i can handle a baby cry but a toddler cry makes me want to punch myself. Cole also crys it out and at 10 months old he usually crys for about 3 mins and lays down. He sometimes does cry longer if he is in a strange place, teething, or over tired. But my most favorite thing about doing cry it out is my son still wakes up in the middle of the night, just once. We get him up, he hangs out with mommy and daddy (we both wake up with him, that way it is fair) drinks his bottle then we place him back in bed anhe just lays in bed QUIETLY till he falls asleep!! it is amazing and we LOVE it!! I beleive cry it out works, even tho it does break a mothers heart.
Katy - Mommy to 3 year old Alison and 10 month old Cole
We practived the cry out method too when my daughter turned 2ish. She was always rocked to bed and I finally had to get rid of that method, so in order for her to go to sleep in her bed on her own, we Had to do this. Now she goes to bed with usually no problems, it makes bed time much more stress free!
We did CIO w/ our 1st when he was around 6-9mos. I had to wear earplugs! It worked, though we did have to "redo it" a few times.
With son #2 it never worked. He's a stubborn boy! After 2 weeks of trying he was still crying for at least an hour. We did go in at intervals, so it's not like we left him forever. So he ended up coming back to our bed where we had been co-sleeping and he stayed there until he was around 18 months. Now he and his brother sleep in the same room with separate beds and both go to sleep wonderfully.
Jessie
Independent Rep for both
*Uppercase Living* & *The Body Shop at Home*
I would never leave my daughter there to cry it out. I don't care if that makes me a bad parent but I can't do that. It makes me feel bad. If she's ready to go to bed, she'll go to bed and we hardly have any problems getting her to bed so I guess I don't have to worry about that, yet.
For toddlers it is fine, as long as their needs are met (i.e. hunger pains, getting sick so there is discomfort, constipation, fears, cold, hot-these need to be addressed first). They need to know that you are going to take care of them and there is that trust that you will.
I'd hate to thinkk that they were having stomach or ear pain and you would just ignore it to "sleep train".
***FOR BABIES DO NOT DO THIS! They are crying because of A BASIC NEED (i.e. wet diaper, hunger, acid reflex, gas, rash, collic). NEVER EVER let a baby cry to sleep for more than a couple of minutes! You will have attachment and trust issues to deal with that will not only affect his brain functions, but will affect his development as well!!!***
Listen to those wacko doctors and "psychologists" that tell you to let them cry it out for more than a couple of minutes, and you will pay in grade school when they will have to see therapists and developmental specialists.
Rocking babies to sleep gives them HEALTHY attachment, which is crucial to healthy development. It is meeting their basic needs.
They can't talk, so they cry to let you know they have a need.
My son ended up having acid reflex-very painful and dangerous to his esophagus. It took many tests and three doctors to figure it out. \
His diaper was continually changed, he was clean and rash free and always fed the appropriate formula. Still, he cried every time you would lay him down. NOT NORMAL!
After medication for his reflex, he went to sleep well and had no problems. Go figure!
I was always very careful to follow the advice of putting the baby to sleep when drowsy but not fully asleep. My son (10 months) has always went to sleep very well on his own. Of course there were times when I rocked and cuddled him but the older he gets, he doesn't like to sit still for it!! We now put him to bed fully awake and he usually never cries for more than 10 minutes. Also as a mom I know his different cries and if he is hungry or sick I pick him back up. It is just so nice to bathe him, feed him, read a book, brush teeth and put him down. I think it helps that he is a nighttime thumb sucker so he can always soothe himself :) I kinda feel for the people who HAVE to ( not choose to) rock their babies to sleep or slip them in bed after they fall asleep.
I do not believe for a minute that my son is going to have emotional problems because we let him cry to sleep. It's not like he was in there for hours crying. Just like someone else said, we knew his different cries and if he was sick or hungry or wet, we would pick him up and take care of his basic needs. There were several times that he was sick and we would rock him to sleep. We shower our son with affection all the time and I think he is fully aware that he is loved. He is a happy 2 year old.
I think the hardest part of being a parent is mastering handling the crying and saying no even though it breaks your heart to see your child upset. These are important lessons for our kids on independence and self reliance.
I also don't think that doctors and psychologists are" wackos". There are tons of evidence based practice theories that support the method.
It's totally fine with me if you chose not to do the method, but please don't assume our children will be emotionally unstable if we do chose the method. I put a lot of time and research into it before we tried it, and I would never change a thing. I think if you are in tune with your child, you will be just fine.
**well behaved women rarely make history**
Oneson-I said after a few minutes, then see what the babies are needing. No, I don't mean don't let them cry until they are asleep. Of course they are going to cry for a few minutes, a lot of times, before falling asleep and you just have to let them. They are sometimes simply over-tired. I assumed these "wackos" are meaning for hours!!! Like, 2, 3, or 4 hours.
I apologize for misunderstanding.
(There are "wackos" out there! Of course there are. I don't mean all doctors are "wackos" or ones that suggest a little crying in the crib are "wacko".)
Crannan,
Perhaps you could be more specific in the age of baby your are talking about. This is obviously a method that did not work for you, for the reasons you stated. Are you saying that it did work better for your child when they became a toddler? Just wondering.
It really depends on the baby. I let my almost one yr old "cry it out" at bedtime. She cries for less than 10 min though. She fights bedtime she does not want to miss anything in our very busy house. I always make sure that her needs are met. She fusses a little every time she is really tired though whether I am holding her or not. I found that she goes to sleep faster and sleeps better if I just put her in bed, kiss her, and tell her nigh night, when she is really tired. So she cries for 5-8min, no big deal.
Another child however could not do this. She would scream at the top of her lungs for hours if I had let her. I had to rock her, walk her, rub her back. I tried giving her a warm bath, a massage, and a story and she still would not sleep unless she was right next to me. So she slept with us until her sister was born, just before she turned 2. Her personallity is like that. She is naturally a little scared of things. Even now as a 3rd grader she will not go some places alone, even the backyard. She is afraid of barking dogs, spiders, weird sounds, and she is still a very light sleeper. No amount of letting her "cry it out" as a toddler would have changed who she is.
You are right about being in tune and judging what your baby needs and I'm talking about crying for more than a few minutes. Toddlers need to cry to sleep. They are challenging you at this stage.
My husband and I majored in psychology, sociology and I was a trained counselor. We are also taking Fostering classes that describe all of this in detail. We are also well read. Our boys are grade school age.
I need to be at the school in fifteen minutes. I will write later.
All of you are GREAT MOMS! Just trying to help from experience.
I value your opinion. It just came across like if our children were crying to sleep they would inevitably be in counseling the rest of their lives:)
Like mom of 5 said, every child has a different personality and different issues and it might not work for every child.
I have worked with a lot of kids who do have the emotional struggles that you speak of because they were never touched and left in their cribs to cry for hours. That much I agree with and that is a big issue. I think that most of the mommy's on here are not allowing their child to cry more than a few min. without checking in on them. I don't think this will lead to the emotional problems you mentioned. Maybe you were just speaking of letting babies cry all day?
**well behaved women rarely make history**
We did the cry it out method. Everyone is right to say it is really hard to hear your child crying. My biggest help was watching the time. I always said, if he cries more than 5 or 10 minutes, I’d go in and check on him. When your baby is crying it feels like every second is hours long. This REALLY helped me. We initially decided to do it when our oldest was 7 months because he’d fuss if we held him, walked him, rocked him or just laid him down. Didn’t make sense to me to let him cry it out in my arms. Then we had our 2nd. That was a rough time. Once we got all of his issues figured out he goes to sleep like an angel. If he is tired, he’ll stand by his crib, pointing and fussing that he wants to get in it.
Holy cow! wouldnt that be nice to have them point to bed and WANT to go to get in bed!! You are a lucky girl!! I have never had the heart to do cry it out myself. I wish I could but it kills me.
I am lucky that in the past couple weeks nevaeh has started going to her room if i say its time to go night night and she will lay down in there awake and go to bed. the only thing is i have to stand there in the room until she is asleep otherwise she cries but if she can see me she is ok and will lay there until she falls asleep. that works for me though! as long as i dont have to listen to her cry or have her in my bed!! :)
We tried to do this with Dakota..but it didn't work. First off it simply tears me apart to hear him screaming and crying like that. And secondly...he works himself up so much that he'll puke every where. So needless to say it doesn't work for him, as I can't do laundry all the time. lol But he has learned on his own to fall asleep on his own. And I'm happy to report since moving here he's done wonderful and sleeps through the night - just wakes up super early. lol
Isabel slept through the night at about 2 months, but recently has been overly tired after daycare. This is when I let her cry it out. It takes less than 5 minutes of frustration and she's konked out!
"Have you heard about corduroy pillows? They're making head lines!!"
This is definitely an instance when I would let her cry it out! Over tiredness is something you just can't help!
Whew! I have a very, very stubborn little girl. At first I was opposed to cry it out, because she was a preemie, and I was just sure it would injure her in some way, and truthfully, thinking of all the days I couldn't hold her, we didn't cry it out! I held, rocked, cuddled, like there was no tomorrow, and co-sleeping actually worked well for us. Oh, did I mention she is stubborn, strong-willed, highly opinionated? : ) She could cry a LOT longer than I could stand to listen. I'm talking hours, and until she threw up! No thanks! Once she was about 2 1/2, we bribed her with the "big girl bed" and princess sheets, and there she sleeps all by herself. I often had to sit with her for "a few minutes" until she fell asleep, but I would not have changed it. My son, however after about 5 mo. of age, we did cry it out. He cried for about 10 min tops, and then was sleeping like a prince, so I guess I have to say we'll see with number 3. All kids are different.
www.babywhisperer.com
A bit more work than CIO, but totally worth it IMHO.
Oh my goodness I am so glad I only had to get up for the first month with both of mine but I did do the one thing that the docs are now saying is a big no no I mixed 1 tsp of cereal with some of their formula and let them suck it off the rubber coated spoons and I never had trouble with either of them past that. I do feel for all of you that have to go through the tough cries though I don't know if I could have handled it. Good luck to all of you and I hope it works out soon for you!
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Some people swear that letting their baby "cry it out" helps with sleep training. Others aren't quite so sure. What's your take on crying it out? What worked for you?